Who Becomes the Family Eldercare Project Manager?

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 I am the Eldercare Project Manager for my family, as well as the administrator for all the communal family assets.  I am not the primary caregiver, but I make sure everything gets done.  I took on the Project Manager role when I realized that things were falling through the cracks because no one was a central coordinator. I had the most suitable experience of the five siblings for problem solving and managing complex situations, but I had zero experience in caregiving, healthcare, or eldercare issues. 

How did I acquire the skills to handle the wide variety of situations that are inevitable in eldercare?  I already had them, and so do you.

 Selling Parents’ House:  My parents’ retirement dream house was on a remote island in the San Juan Islands, Puget Sound, WA. I had been a licensed realtor for a few years but had no talent at sales.  I did have a talent for creative real estate investment, which required non-traditional thinking, marketing, and negotiating. It required a lot a creativity to sell a house on an island that did not have ferry service and was off the power grid.

 Estate Planning and Essential Documents: By the time I entered the picture an attempt had been made at estate planning, but most of the essential documents had not been completed because the attorney was not an eldercare attorney.  It was urgent to get the appropriate documents created and signed.  A wonderful eldercare attorney was found through lots of telephone calls and internet research.  While estate planning has a steep learning curve if you have never thought about it, I was willing to learn because I was curious for my own purposes.

 Coordinating Medications and Medical Care: One person in the family MUST attend ALL doctor appointments in order to recognize redundancy and conflicts in care and medications.  It requires time/job independence to be available for appointments.  Since I ran my own business I could set my own hours.

 Researching Best Solutions and Technologies: I spent years as a business analyst for major corporations. It was no stretch to research the best kind of bed for a Parkinson’s patient and add a trapeze above it for mobility. I actually enjoyed incorporating universal design into apartment layout, finding the right shoes for non-working feet, buying a better toothbrush, and identifying a new and better hearing aid.  Once a researcher and problem solver, always a …

 Managing Big Picture:  I was a very good project manager for software development and also taught project management at Columbia University.  The skills transfer seamlessly to managing an eldercare plan.  In both cases one is required to identify dependencies, manage to a plan, meet timelines, come in under budget, tell the hard truths, and get along with everyone.

 Being Flexible, Recognizing when Changes Needed:  In eldercare things ALWAYS change.  You can never get comfortable.  This is the norm and you have to be flexible enough to accept each new situation.

 Automating Bill Payments:  Be comfortable with computers in order to set up automatic bill payments and review each account monthly.          

 Transporting to Appointments:  Of course it helps to have a car and a driver’s license, but there are workarounds for that.  The greater challenge is staying physically fit enough to help with lifting wheelchairs, walkers, and frail seniors.

 Providing Reassurance and Love:  This work is much easier when you are caring for someone you love.  It is infinitely more difficult if the motivation is duty or just trying to do the right thing.

 The Family Eldercare Project Manager does not have to be an expert at anything or do every task herself.  She does have to be willing and able to manage and coordinate.  The family needs to try someone out as the project manager and then see how other family member’s talents can be optimized to get everything done.  It may take a couple of tries to get the right people into the right roles.

 In every family there are a wide variety of skills shared amongst the various members.  Figure who is good at what.  The 16 year old grandson may be the one who sets up automatic bill payments on the computer.  Someone else may review the accounts every month at the same time they do their own bookkeeping.  The leadership responsibility may change as hidden talents are discovered.  If there is one person who can manage the big picture, the entire family has a better chance of experiencing eldercare positively while accepting changing roles as we all age.