Turning 50: The Beginning of the Second Half of Your Life

Reading Time: 7-8 minutes

Turning 50 may be the most important milestone birthday in adult life.  It can be experienced foolishly or with delight.  I strongly recommend the latter. 

My youngest sibling, Pamela, turned 50 on December 30 .  Two days ago we had a rip-roaring, loud CELEBRATION of the event.  It was perfect, but not an accident.

I ignored my 35^th birthday milestone, and it bit me hard within a few months.  The unconscious can be lethal.  It is much healthier to push uncomfortable feelings to the surface.  Then you have a chance to use your conscious intelligence to meet the psychological demons that are lurking.

I could barely allow my mind to rest on the thought of “50 Years Old”.  The fears it triggered!  Loss of youth, energy, and attractiveness, having fewer choices of mates, ending my days alone, being unemployable, pending frailty, potential chronic diseases such as Parkinson Disease, dementia, diabetes, heart failure, cancer, blindness, deafness, arthritis, and loss of independence were just of few of the monsters that haunted me.  I had a lot of work to do.

I started by reading Betty Friedan’s, The Fountain of Age.  Friedan used her talent as a journalist to research and understand the realities of aging for herself as well as others.  Reading her book helped me stop panicking and start thinking. 

• Friedan observed that only about 5% of the population ends up in a nursing home.  Most people potter along pretty well on their own until they are close to the end of life. 
• Men who have defined themselves by what they do are more likely to die early if they retire and don’t find new work.  Friedan’s book was published in 1993.  I imagine there are many women who also define themselves by their work today.  Older age is a time for reinvention.
• Older people have jobs.  They may be different from the jobs they held earlier in life, but they can be satisfying and offer the income needed for a comfortable life.  Many times people retire from their jobs and start new careers that are meaningful.  Good work gives us structure, independence, mental stimulation, and a reason for living.  Work in later life gives us a chance to use our own sweat and souls to fill in the blanks that leave our lives incomplete. 

I came up with a number of reasons why turning 50 is a good thing:

• Hormones slow down.  It is possible to make a rational decision without hormones getting in the way. What a relief!
• We stop wasting time on stupid things.  It is much easier to make decisions. 
• We have gone up an incredibly steep learning curve in the first half of life.  Think of all the things we don’t have to learn.  We already made the mistakes and learned the lessons from them.  We don’t have to waste time in the next fifty years learning them again. 
• My skin is aging.  Clint Eastwood looks fabulous with wrinkles.  That is the look I am shooting for.  I will miss the smooth skin and radiance of youth, but have no need for a face that does not show how wise and really cool (kewl? kuhl?) I am now.  I have earned being 50 plus and am proud to show it.
• After 50 it is a waste of time and energy to give a darn what other people think about you.  You are free.  Make your decisions, and live with them.  No one else really cares.

Advice for Those Turning 50

1. Never retire.  Make plans to start doing things you never had time to do.  The list will only get longer.  You will never run out of things to start doing.  Your mind will keep working, and you will have a lot more fun.

2. Don’t worry about Social Security and Medicare funds running out of money.  Just assume that there will be less public money to spread around.  We are all going to have to learn to take care of each other. That’s OK.  It is a better way to age.    Forget about retiring.  It will kill you.  (See #1 above).  Keeping working, making money, and taking care of yourself. 

3. Buy a Long Term Care insurance policy.  I bought mine when I was 45 years old because I have no children and worried about how I would manage physically and financially if I needed full-time care.  Age 50 is the perfect time to take out a policy.

4. Draft your own Eldercare Plan now.  Plan ahead to give yourself the greatest amount of choice.  When you experience a crisis of aging you won’t  be able to do research and make good choices easily.  Think through various scenarios for your next 50 years.  What might happen?  What kind of legal documents, housing, financial planning, transportation, care, and community might you need?  Start checking out what is available now.  If you don’t see something you like, start planning for something that you would like.  Make it up.  Cause it to be possible.  Write down what you like.  Tell your nearest and dearest your preferences now.

5. Take care of yourself.  Understand why exercise and nutrition are important.   I practice yoga because I want my hips to work when I am eighty years old.  I am (finally) learning to eat right because I want to do a lot more things than I have time to do.  If I get a chronic disease, I will have fewer options.  My darling husband and I will have less ability to play together.  I am a physical coward and don’t want to be in pain.  It is worth getting off the sofa and going for a walk now to make my own luck for a stronger body in the future.

6. Let go of the drama.  At age 50 you realize that time is finite.  The next 50 years are going to fly by.  Do not waste a second on nonsense.  Walk away from people who sap your joy and energy.  Find people to love.  Surround yourself with people who are capable of loving.  Do work that matters. 

7. Get a pet.  I discovered pets just before I turned 50.  They offer us such generous, easy love.  Do not miss the gift critters offer.  You will never be lonely.

 8. I found my life partner and wonderful, healthy, nurturing love after we both turned 50.  You can too.  You have finally learned to make good choices.

9. We may not make to it 51.  Let go of worrying about tomorrow.  PLAN, but don’t worry.  Live for today.  It is so sweet.

10. Those of us who get old have a chance to rectify wrongs, cancel out our bad deeds with good ones, give back to the world, work through old hurts,  and come to terms with the meaning of our lives.  We need time to wrestle with all this before we let go.  If we are lucky enough to get really old, we can  complete the cycle and rest in peace.

For my 50^th birthday I took 18 of my best friends to dinner at my favorite French restaurant.  I looked and felt fabulous.  At age 56 I continue to be delighted with how I launched myself into my 50′s.  For Pamela’s 50^th birthday, the family had a wonderful fiesta for her at our house.  She gave me a list of her friends, and we invited them.  Fifty to sixty people came to celebrate.  We had Pam’s favorite foods, drinks, Latin music, and three cakes.  We even had a piñata.  A grand time was had by all, and Pamela leaped into Age 50 with roar!  We were very loud. 

DO NOT sneak into 50.  Make a Joyful Noise!

Happy 50^th Birthday dear sweet, brilliant, delightful, beautiful Pamela.  Welcome to the second half of your wonderful life.